The First Fifty

Nancy and I celebrated our fiftieth wedding anniversary November 16, 2024. Well, that’s not entirely true – we’ve been celebrating our marriage most of our fifty years together. That’s what marriage has been like. Moments of ecstatic joy, followed by the understanding that our marriage to one another is what made that possible.  So many unplanned joys! Not the least of which, for me, was parenting.

As a single man, I’d never looked forward to parenting. I hadn’t ruled it out as undesirable, in fact I’d known it would be a part of my life sooner or later. I’d just developed a list of objectives, at the tender age of 18, that took priority over marriage and parenting. A year later I met Nancy and couldn’t live without her. Marriage became a high priority. I’d never been more stunned or more delighted than the day Nancy agreed to be my wife.

When she told me she was pregnant, I knew it was a good thing, and I said so. Still, I had to adjust my priorities and objectives; another item slated for “later” had become “now.” When our first child, Hillary Ann, was born I was completely unprepared for the sheer delight of her arrival. Suddenly, I was a father and a proud one at that. Unprepared, even surprised, but overwhelmed with joy. Then I looked at my wife. She made Hillary possible. Our marriage made Hillary possible. Today we have three incredible children, and four grandchildren. Imagine our delight!

Together Nancy and I discovered we could overcome substantial obstacles and setbacks, relational disputes, financial troubles, occupational hardships, family disturbances, death of loved ones, and political turmoil. To tell our whole story in sufficient detail to communicate the thousands of highs and lows is beyond my skill and the patience of any reader. Certainly, there have been many, great and small. In total, these events, giant and mundane, equate to a life together. Not just a lifetime, life, because marriage itself presents an experience and understanding of life that is unavailable by any other means.

The Apostle Paul referred to marriage in the fifth chapter of his letter to the Ephesians as a profound mystery and likened it to Christ’s relationship to His Church! (Eph 5:32). In this same chapter the Apostle refers to a section of text from the book of Genesis (2:24) that reveals the intention of God for young men and women in terms of family:

“Therefore, a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and they shall become one flesh.”

The signal reason that a man or woman should leave his or her family is to start a new family. However, launching a new family isn’t the only purpose of marriage. In fact, God doesn’t even mention children at this point! What God points out is that the man and the woman entering the sanctity of marriage become one flesh. Herein lies the foundational miracle for all subsequent miracles stemming from marriage. One flesh. The man is one with the woman as Christ is one with His Church, and from this miraculous joining comes new life. From marriage, new children on the earth; from Jesus through His Church come eternal life for all of God’s children. Marriage is earthly and ends in death, eternal life is eternal and never ends. Nevertheless, marriage is a reflection of how Jesus is one with His Church and from within the unity of His body flows the miraculous life-giving force of the grace of God.

All that to say that marriage is a supernatural, miraculous life-producing organism that receives sustenance and propulsion from the life of the Living God. You could say that I think it’s a big deal. You’d be right.

What astounds me is when men and women marry and never notice the life of God in their marriage – even after having children! The Bible talks about people who have eyes but don’t see and ears but don’t hear. Bummer for them!

Years ago, a young man whom I worked with – contemplating his first marriage – had asked me about my marriage to Nancy. He’d learned that we’d been married nearly twenty years at that time. He and I discussed marriage for a bit, I left him with this: “When the pastor asks you what kind of service you’d like, you tell him that you want to make sure that you and your lovely bride become two of three, not just two.” The young man didn’t know Jesus, but we began having several meaningful conversations about God and marriage resulting from my comment.

Married people frequently refer to their spouses as their better half. Nancy is my better two thirds, and I know it. Thank God we have all of Jesus as our partner in life and marriage.

The first fifty years have been so good that I’m looking forward to the next fifty!

Peace on the Path